Saturday 5th

The holidays are over and it's time to get back to normal. I had a great holiday this year, all three weeks of it. The first week was spent enjoying the near perfect weather here in Thailand, getting up to date with all those little jobs that needed doing. The second week was in England enjoying the festivities with family and friends followed by a week in Europe (Austria mostly) seeing in the new year and the Euro amongst Christmas Card surroundings. New Year's Eve in Vienna is my top recommendation for places to enjoy good music (on a dozen different stages around the centre of the city) while partaking of gleuvein, bratwurst and champagne.

Sunday 6th

Saw "Lord of the Rings". First two hours were great. Third hour was excessive in my humble opinion. Very English in parts and quite different to the scenes I'd conjured up in my mind while reading "The Hobbit" at school thirty years ago.

Monday 7th

First day back at school. It's amazing how much you forget during a three week holiday.

Received a Christmas card from Squish, an old Scouting friend. His son recently won a competition to be a BBC Newsround reporter for a day. The whole family got a free weekend in France out of it.

Tuesday 8th

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Wednesday 9th

The highlight of today was the noisy group of political canvassers who came through Happyland giving every house a free first aid kit. I happily accepted mine knowing that I don't vote in Thailand. I wonder what the other political parties have to offer?

Thursday 10th

Latest from Michelle and Stuart

We have not long arrived in Trang - we will book our
tickets for Bangkok tomorrow. Then it's off to Krabi
to sort out our Visas and then back to Phi Phi for
more snorkelling aroung Maya Bay (we like it there),
then Stuart has some school friends would you believe
who own a bar in Koh Lanta, so we will spend our last
few days there.

It has been a truly amazing experience and I wouldn't
have changed it at all.
 

Friday 11th

Acer computers have given us a free flights/hoter/tour to Sydney Australia for one person as we buy so much equipment from them. Think we'll put all the technician's names into a hat and pull out a lucky winner. I'll let you know on Wednesday who wins!

Considering the largest restaurant in the world is virtually on the doorstep, I'm surprised that I have only eaten there three times. Once with Shep, once with my parents and once with a group of staff. Had my fourth visit this evening. Quite busy though my Panang Gai got delivered to the party sitting 453 tables away by mistake.

Saturday 12th

Deep Forest have done some remixes of "Out of Reach" ... the one I wrote the lyrics for, not the one that was recently in the charts. They have samples on their web site

Sunday 13th

Over the last six months there have been a number of items stolen from the school. Recently a dozen or so graphic calculators have been taken from the Maths department office and they are very expensive.

This afternoon I was in a fairly out of the way shopping centre and in a second hand shop I spotted a graphic calculator on sale for only 1900 baht (they are normally well over double that). I bargained the price down to 1800 and bought it. I thought that some student here would jump at the chance of buying it off me rather than pay the full price for a new one.

When I sat down to study the calculator further I noticed that there was a program stored in it's memory that I had written! Closer inspection of the back of the calculator revealed the feint remains of a number, confirming my suspicions that this was one of the school's stolen calculators.

Monday 14th

I am known a Inspector Cluesau at school today. Our security department have informed the local police and it looks as though I will have to go with them to identify the shop. I'll keep you posted.

Tuesday 15th

So today was the day, I traveled to the shopping centre with a member of our Thai staff. We wandered up to the shop while being watched by the head of investigations, Thai police, and showed interest in buying another calculator. The shop assistant showed us one which we could tell straight away from the serial number was one stolen from school. At that point other police officers in plain clothes came as if from nowhere and the questioning began.

I'm experiencing yet another part of Thai life ... a sting!

Wednesday 16th

Arrests were made at school today. I'm experiencing extreme guilt .... Then I hear from Nick:.

Well

Yet another undercover operation from the investigative academic.

It has given me an idea to write a new TV series about an ex maths teacher turned undercover investigator. I'll call it "Summ-ary Justice". The hero's brain is so sharp he has memorised all the serial numbers from the digital calculator heist. He leads cops into the inside lair of the dastardly arch criminal Algebra Man, who has begun to divide the loot and multiply his profits.

I could go on, but you get the picture...........!

nc
 

Thursday 17th

IRISH counterfeiters have failed in one of their first attempts to cash in on the euro by missing out the 'o' on a forged one euro coin.

Friday 18th

A civilised traditional Thai dinner soon deteriorated into crazy Thai dancing and outrageous Karaoke courtesy of the, now well polished, double act Lawrence and Newman (Simon and Jan)

BEFORE

AFTER

This picture was taken before the alcohol had it's effect.

Saturday 19th

From Shep:

In case the ex-pats haven't heard the news ... Prince Harry has admitted to trying cananbis!
 

Sunday 19th

Michelle and Stu arrived back in Bangkok after their extended island hopping tour. Were they brown or what! Their stories of their adventures rivaled "The Beach" or even "Lord of the Rings". They had experienced highs and hardships but thoroughly enjoyed the whole experience. I think they will suffer extreme culture shock when they go back to work in the UK.

Monday 20th

Can atheists get insurance for Acts of God?

Tuesday 22nd

A unbelievable uneventful day. Up at 6am ... bed by 10pm precisely

Wednesday 23rd

Today wasn't as interesting as yesterday.

Thursday 24th

Just checked the lottery on the web... I won another £10 last Saturday! I've had the same six numbers every week since the lottery began and am still over £1000 in the black.

Friday 25th

Dinner at Senior Picos with Stuart and Michelle. Great plans to paint the town red after but tiredness leads me home to bed. Getting old!

Saturday 26th

Attempting to install Windows XP on my home computer but the BIOS needs flashing first. This is one of those times when you hope and pray nothing will go wrong or you risk loosing the whole system.

The computer tells me there are 27 minutes left for the installation so I am surfing the web on my laptop computer while I wait. Rough Guides have recently updated their site. It is full of information on destinations from official sources and travelers. Here is something from a recent traveler:

There are a few things that you will see in Thailand that you may not like. These are things that are prevalent everywhere and cannot be avoided. You also need to realize that they are part of the culture and cannot be changed. So if these are things that you don’t think that you can see or experience without commenting or worrying, then your visit to Thailand may not be enjoyable for you.
The most disturbing may be seeing young babies, toddlers, and children on motorbikes. Motorbikes are one of the main form of transportation due to their affordability, so it is the transportation for the whole family. Helmets are not worn, and it is common to see dads driving, with moms holding newborns wrapped in a blanket on the back of the motorbike, weaving in and out of heavy traffic at fast speeds. In the rural areas, motorbikes are often the only way kids can get to school (often there is only one school for multiple villages). So you will see maybe a ten year old boy driving a motorbike, with five children of all ages sitting on the seat or hanging off the bike. Along this same line, children are often left in the care of other children. This is common and you should not let it bother you. It works extremely well. Thai twelve year olds are more mature than college students in the US. We visited a school in an small village during lunchtime. The teachers were nowhere to be seen. But the older children (eleven or twelve, school is only mandatory until age twelve) had prepared a full hot lunch for all of the younger children. When it was time to clean up, every single child helped wash dishes. Older kids helped the very little ones to clean up themselves and brush their teeth. There was no hesitation, no distraction, and no whining. It was amazing to see. Nothing like that would ever happen here.

Stray dogs and cats fill every square inch of everywhere. While the Thai people are very compassionate and do their best to feed the animals, and the majority of the strays seem well fed, there is a limit to what they can do. And when an animal becomes sick or it is obvious that it will die soon, the Thai people cannot kill it due to their Buddhist beliefs. I was told that someone will occassionally sneak out in the dark of night, and the sick animal suddenly dissappears, but it is never talked about. If you cannot handle seeing suffering animals, do not go to Thailand. You cannot avoid seeing stray animals.

Regarding the service you will receive in Thailand, some people do not enjoy the concept of Thai time. To visit Thailand, you need to be flexible. Buses and trains do not always leave on time. Sometimes they leave early, so hopefully you are at the station with extra time. Events start when they start, and traffic always makes arriving and departing “on time” a precarious notion. And often you will not be told how truly late a train, for example, may be. The Thai people are very anti-confrontational and do not want to make you unhappy, so they will tell you “ten minutes” rather than two hours. This may be frustrating, but just realize that in their mind they are being polite and you should not take offense.

Because meals are cooked fresh when they are ordered, each person is served when their meal is done. You should eat right away without waiting for others to get their food. This is the way it is done, and seriously, it could be a very long time before the last person receives their meal. Or you may be the one waiting while everyone else eats. Another phenomenon that we saw, mostly with food, but could be with other things as well, is the concept of “close enough.” This means that if you order something to eat, and lets say they don’t have that item (maybe they ran out), they will not tell you. The Thai people are so polite, they do not want to make you unhappy by telling you “no” so they will just say OK. Then they will serve you something other than what you ordered. The replacement is always very delicious, but it is not what you ordered. It would be extremely rude for you to question this, and you should definitely just be happy and eat it. Similar situation call for you to be flexible in this way, and really, you are on vacation and having a great time, so why worry about little things like that. The Thai people are eager to please, so their intentions are always good. They want you to enjoy your visit. A common saying in Thailand is “mai pen rai” which I interpret as a combination of “It’s all good” and “No worries.” It is a perfect motto for Thailand and anywhere else for that matter.

You will see a ton of litter and pollution in Thailand. Our guide has explained that this situation is improving through government programs and education, but it is still an issue at this time. If you let seeing litter cloud your appreciation for the scenery, then you will miss the natural beauty of Thailand. Air pollution, particularly in Bangkok is so bad that you will see people wearing surgical-type masks, tuk-tuk and motorbike drivers in particular.
 

Sunday 27th

From Shep:

"There has been an increase in demand by tourists for the Thai 10 Baht coin due to it's similarity to the 2 Euro coin. At only 1/7th the value it is being used in vending machines throughout Europe."

Monday 28th

One of the English teachers here used to work with Esther Rantzen on "That's Life". I'm telling you this by way of a link (contrived) to the memory of Cyril Fletcher to whom viewers would send in strange photographs and unusually shaped vegetables.

Being the Cyril Fletcher of Bangkok I can now reveal that Sowi, an avid diary reader who designs road signs for a living, sent me this:

Tuesday 29th

Another reader contributes:

More pearls of wisdom to fill empty diary days!

For those who love the philosophy of hypocrisy and ambiguity. Also for those of us that are old enough to understand George Carlin! A few statements to ponder...George Carlin quotes:

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

9. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him ... is he still wrong?

10. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

11. Is there another word for synonym?

12. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

13. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

14. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

15. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

16. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

17. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

18. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

19. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

20. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

21. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

22. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

23. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

24. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

25. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

26. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

27. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

28. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

29. How is it possible to have a civil war?

30. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

31. If you ate pasta and antipasti, would you still be hungry?

32. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

33. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp"; to have an "S" in it?

34. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?

35. Why is it called Snow-bird season if we can't shoot at them?

36. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

37. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?

38. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?


nc

 

Wednesday 30th

Mom sent me a great clip from the Express and Star:

Thursday 31st

Last day of the month. Paul Schofield, the secondary school Principal has announced his resignation which is really bad news for me as he's so good to work with.

Kevin Price is about to enter the world of working in Education. I wonder if he'll be ready for a promotion in September.