Thursday 1st 

Another early evening mellowing out on the roof.

I should point out here that the roof is flat and not like this cartoon of me received today in a package from home:

Friday 2nd

It's poppy  day here in Thailand.

From Nick:

"In his teaching, the wise man guides his students, but does not pull them along; he urges them to go forward, and does not suppress them; he opens the way, but does not take them to the place...... If his students are encouraged to think for themselves, we may call the man a good teacher."
 
Confucius, 500 BCE

Saturday 3rd

The Governor of Bangkok has officially put a curse on corrupt city officials. He know the problem of corruption is so big that he cannot hope to solve it overnight but he also knows that these corrupt people are also very superstitious. His written curse promises calamity, infirmity and bad luck to those involved in corrupt practices.

Sunday 4th

Foolishly deleted a vital file on my computer loosing the D: E: and A: drives. Things got a bit desperate and the only remedy was to take the machine back to Pantip Plaza where they re-formatted the hard drive. This is pretty serious stuff and I lost a lot of data... including all my emails. If you sent me an email recently and I haven't replied, please try again.

If you are trying to send emails which bounce back to you, click on the "E" at the bottom of the menu on the left of this screen.

Monday 5th

Have my flight back home for Easter booked. I return on the 7th of April and come back here on the 20th. Anyone know of a reasonable car hire place?

Tuesday 6th

A-ha. After years of searching I have finally found a way of accepting credit card payments over the Internet. Now my plans can start to become a reality as I open my own online shop. Nothing much to sell as yet, just some Maths software, but you can browse the shop which I've called Transum Software.

I need you to test the whole process for me. Click on the link above and buy some software. Don't go mad. Nothing more than £100 at first. If my bank balance begins to swell I'll know it works and offer you my hearty thanks.

STOP PRESS Shep has shot back into the lead (literally) with the snake shooting game (see last month's diary):  "I've taken up the challenge - 2225 scored today !!!"

Wednesday 7th

According to the afore mentioned Shep, this was once heard on a scheduled flight by Southwest Airlines:

"Welcome aboard Southwest Flight  266 to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the  buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more.
Your seat cushions can be used for flotation and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."

Thursday 8th

Public holiday in Thailand today: Macha Bucha day.

Friday 9th

Had an interview for a promotion at work. I feel drained of all energy now. After researching and building up to the interview, I now feel lost, it's over but my head is still full of all these quotes and educational jargon. Aw my head hurts!

Saturday 10th

Now Thai TV is relatively prudish. You certainly don’t see anything anywhere near the Eurotrash standards and everyone is very polite and respectful to each other. I was quite surprised therefore to see some very strange mannerisms during a chat show on the TV last night. 

Today I found out what was being talked about. It was a joke, a Thai joke, and my embarrassed translator explained it as follows:

“Two friends walked around a zoo eating a packet of peanuts. When they got to the monkey’s cage they threw a peanut in. The monkey picked it up, took it round to it’s bottom then ate it. They threw a second peanut in and the monkey did exactly the same thing. The asked the zoo keeper why the monkey was doing this strange thing. He replied that last week someone had thrown a tennis ball into the cage which the monkey ate and was then unable to go to the toilet for a week. Everything he eats now he checks for size first.”

Sunday 11th

Stories of penguins falling down as they watch aircraft passing overhead have been proved false.

Monday 12th

Charles tells me he reads this diary. What I didn't know was that he has a web presence too. On the Patana School recruitment pages there are a number of teachers who give their impressions of working at Patana and Charles is one of them. John Wood, another teacher, describes:

From my classroom in the Secondary school I look out on a tropical garden of palms, frangipani, and bougainvillaea cascading down the pristine white walls.  Out of a large pond filled with golden carp the Thai Sala rises with its steep pointed roof and white pillars.  It is a scene resembling a luxury hotel in any of the resorts of tropical Asia. 

Full stories : http://www.patana.ac.th/recruitment2001/ (click on the tiny icon in the top left of the page)

Tuesday 13th

Thought you might like to know that I don't use the stairs in the house anymore. Nowerdays in the morning I leap from the top floor balcony, ice axes in hand, down to the waiting minibus four floors below.

Well that's what I dreamt last night after seeing the film "Vertical Limit" last Sunday afternoon.

Wednesday 14th

I have been offered a different job from the one I interviewed for last Friday ... should I take it?

Thursday 15th

I am no longer Head of Maths! ... I am ... wait for it... Director of Campus Technology Systems This is not the job I was interviewed for (Assistant Principal) but the salary and other perks are the same. For the first time in my life I'll have my own office and a secretary... wow.

I suppose I am quite lucky really, They were going to call me Director Of School Systems Administration (DOSSA).

Friday 16th

Saw the school production "Haruna".... Think I should have read the book first!

Saturday 17th

Started reading books about Campus Technology Systems.

Old Heads of Maths never die, they just lose their Faculties! 

Sunday 18th

Have started making plans for next month's big event; Nick and Greeny's visit to Thailand. Click on the "Next Month" sign below to see how the plans are coming along.

Monday 19th

Booked a rental car for Easter when I'm back in England. Not a bad price for two weeks, pick up and drop off at Birmingham airport. 

Tuesday 20th

Parents' evening after school ... long day!

Wednesday 21st

Staff Training day today. Next two days are our half term holiday.

My travel agent has booked the internal flights for Nick and Greeny's "beach" adventure. As is the oriental way, Cripps has become CLIPPS on the ticket!

Stop Press: Swarm of flying ants attack front room (just like Lyndale Drive), maid hands in resignation!!

Thursday 22nd

Lovely Samantha sent this message:

Dear Whizza

Just reading your diary and saw their itinerary. Have they checked that Greenpeace won't be in the area during the "Beach" phase - otherwise they'll keep being dragged back out to sea!

(just kidding)

Can't wait to read the diary while they're there!

H&K

Sam Price

 Friday 23rd

When was the last time you saw whales wearing Blues Bros hats, sunglasses and
Hawaian shirts? I'm sure they'll tell us apart

NC

At last, Rupert has gone live with his homepage. Not a lot on it yet (when he showed me Wednesday) but It's bound to be spectacular when it's finished:

DJ Roo

Saturday 24th

Good morning Mr Tranter. 

There are two British agents who want to buy the most gordy Hawaian type shirts, within days of landing in foriegn territory. Obviously they have to be very big, XXXXL for both of them. 

So your mission, John, should you chose to accept it, is to identify a retail outlet when such horrible and large garments can be traced. Once identified, to observe the garments in question, then pass on the relevant information to your British agents. Obviously if you, or any of your team, are caught or identified, the British government shall admit no knowledge of you or your team. This e-mail will self destruct in 5 seconds. 

Good luck, John 






Fizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Hmmm, where can we get big shirts? Most of the shops I can think of cater more for the typical Thai sizes (small). Anyone know of any big Farang shops ... come on Charles, you're pretty big, where do you buy your shirts?

Sunday 25th

Had some geyzas round for dinner this evening: Bill Cockroft JP, DL; Graham Haddock, Paediatric Surgeon, David Bull, Lawyer and Lisa Portman, UK Contingent Manager ... you know, just your ordinary sort of folk. It was the first visit by the UK Scout Association Management Team to see the site for the next World Jamboree which takes place here in December 2002.

During the course of the conversation the question of uniform came up. I just managed to take a snap of David wearing at Thai Hilltribe bonnet but unfortunately the flash didn't go off ...

Monday 26th

THE NEXT TIME YOU THINK YOU ARE HAVING A BAD DAY:..... Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers, and facemask. A post-mortem revealed that the person died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification.

Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clad diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire. It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the person went for a diving trip off the coast some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets.

Water was dipped from the ocean and then flown to the forest fire and emptied. You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next he was doing the breaststroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air. Apparently he extinguished exactly 5'10" of the fire. Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.

This article was taken from the California Examiner

Tuesday 27th

Two interesting emails from Shep:

Now here's an interesting site ...

go to http://www.bbc.co.uk/birmingham where you can see pictures from a live web-cam of the Bullring in Birmingham being built. The pictures are updated every 15 minutes!!!

Tip: Drink lots of caffine beforehand.

Andy

Closely followed by:

> A girl walks into a supermarket and buys the following:

1 bar of soap
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 apple
1 banana
1 orange
1 plum
1 peach
1 grapefruit
1 tomato
1 lettuce
1 cabbage
1 baking potato
1 kraft single
1 samosa
1 vegetable pakora
1 muesli bar
1 pie
1 single serving of cereal
1 single frozen dinner
1 single frozen pizza

> The checkout guy looks at her, smiles, and says, Single, huh?

> The girl smiles sheepishly and replies, 'How'd you guess?'

> He says, 'Because you're ugly.'