 Diary:
|
May
2001
|
Tuesday 1st
I have absolutely
no idea where I am! It’s Labour day, a holiday here in Thailand and
Yesterday Sak decided it was a good time for a mystery trip.
[Aside: Andy
Quinton once went on a mystery trip, by coach. Before they set off they had a
bet on where they were going. The coach driver won!]
So last night,
after a two hour bus journey, I found myself on a ferry, somewhere in the Gulf
of Siam, traveling amongst gigantic moored ships. In the dark, these huge
monsters have an eerie quality which make you feel quite insignificant. You
can only see the entire hull of the ship when you get quite close. Our ferry
was taking us to the little known island of Koh Sichang and was also doing a
shuttle service between the ships at the same time. A man carrying groceries
would be delivered to one ship while a lady and two small children would be
collected from another.
I wish I had taken my camera with me, particularly as we approached the
spookiest sight of all. One huge tanker with four tall cranes on it’s deck
was transferring loose cement from half a dozen river barges which were tied
up to it’s side. The cement looked like talcum powder as it formed a
transparent cloud around the upper half of the ship. Lit as it was by the
ship’s lights, it was as if the ship was semi transparent, blending into
this glowing white cloud.
Today we hired a Tuk Tuk, different to those in Bangkok, based on a large
motorbike rather than a scooter, and we toured the Island. Lunch on the beach
the back to Bangkok, work tomorrow.
Wednesday 2nd
Got drenched waiting for a taxi, where were they?
Thursday 3rd
Shep sent this:
The REAL differences between Men & Women
1.NICKNAMES
If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each
other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose.
If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to
each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla,
Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
2.EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in £20,
even though it's only for £32.50. None of them will have
anything smaller,and none
will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
3.MONEY
A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.
A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
4.BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor,
towel, bar of soap from the Holiday Inn and 'a pack of
three'.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337, and a
man would be unable to identify
most of them.
5.ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
6.CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
7.FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
8.SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
9.MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change but she does.
10.DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage,
answer the phone, read a book,
and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
11.NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
12.OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman thinks she knows all about her children. She knows
about dentist appointments and
romances, best friends, favourite foods,secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
13.LISTENING
What a woman says: "C'mon...This place is a mess. You and I need to
clean.Your pants are on the floor and you'll have no clothes if we don't do
the laundry
now."What a man hears: "C'MON ... blah, blah, blah YOU AND I blah,
blah, blah,blah, blah ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah,
blah,blah, NOW"
I made the front page of the "Patana
News" this week much against my better judgment!
Friday 4th - Monday 7th
Long weekend up-country in Khon Kaen. Guest at a traditional Thai wedding.
My job's to film the whole affair.
Well I did it. The film is in the can as they say.
Quite different from other weddings I've been to. It started
at 6am with the boy's side having a breakfast at the boys house. Lot's of
guests eating lots of food cooked by a team of cooks and accompanied by
Karaoke singing. I wasn't very hungry so I busied myself with the camera and
kept well clear of the whiskey that was being drunk by all the men (at 6am!)
The
breakfast was followed at around 9am ish by all the boys side walking down the
lanes to the girl's house followed by the boy and principal guests in a
pick-up truck. As we walked along a rather tall lady with an open umbrella (it
wasn't raining) shouted what sounded like a US Marines marching song which we
all repeated line by line. As we arrived at the girl's house, her side were
all waiting for us and a mock fight took place which we eventually won and got
inside the girl's house.
The more familiar part of the ceremony
took place here with the highlight being when each and every guest came on
their knees towards the bride and groom at the front with a gift of money. The
amount you gave would be shouted out by a woman next to the groom and duly
recorded in the wedding account book. I had been forewarned of this so had a
suitable amount ready to hand over.
The final part of the
ceremony was the most bizarre. We followed the bride and groom upstairs where
they lay on the bed and had a snog!
Tuesday 8th
Happy Birthday Mom. She's on holiday at the moment. I've
forgotten where to but I know the flying time is 3hrs 45mins.
Wednesday 9th
I
was playing the Four Weddings and a Funeral CD when I heard a song that
sounded vaguely familiar. It had the same title, Right Time, as that
well known song I wrote for The Sahotas five years ago. It was the chorus, not
exactly the same I know but can I sue? What do you think? Click on these links
and have a listen:
Thursday 10th
Bad news regarding my summer plans. My free trip home (paid
for my the school) is no more. I received this email today:
Dear
John
I am sorry to have to inform you that the course "Computing and
Information and Communication Technology in Schools" which was due to be
held on 16th-20th July 2001 in Hatfield in the UK has had to be cancelled.
The reason for this was that an insufficient number of people applied for this
course and so it was not viable.Because of the nature of this course it was
thought that two and a half months notice would be better than the normal two
weeks
Friday 11th
Interviews at school for the new Head of Mathematics Faculty
(my current job) have been taking place. Martin Astill got the job,
congratulations Martin. That now poses the question who will be the new Head
of Year 12 from August.
Played Squash after school. Victory is sweet. In the closest
match ever, I beat Sak six games to five.
Evening at the
Thailand Cultural Centre listening to the Bangkok Symphony Orchestra and guest
singers play "Music of The Brave". Tunes from Hollywood and West End
classics. Not exciting but a pleasant evening's relaxation... until it was
over and I left... walking down the main street in the drizzling rain came
across a metre long snake lying in wait on the pavement. I found myself
warning other pedestrians who gave the reptile a wide berth. Then I decided I
was getting far too wet doing this good deed so I hopped into a taxi and left
the snake to do it's worst.
Saturday
12th
Received this great family photo from
home. A windy Rhyl !
Monday 14th
One of my jobs today was to read through the reports written
by the Maths teachers. When you have been teaching a few years you think you
know most names children are given but every year I learn a few more. Today's
corkers are:
Bigsun, Anurak, Muhd and Bo Ling.
Tuesday 15th
One of my jobs today was to talk with the boss (Dr Paul) about
the applications we had received for the two Maths teacher jobs available. I referred
to one of the comments written, in what I said was a rather untidy reference
written in a decipherable handwriting. "That's no reference" he
replied, "those are the notes I made during the interview"!
Wednesday 16th
Dinner
at La Gritta (page 89 of that book Charles), an up market Italian restaurant
owned by the Amari Hotel family. Trouble with up market though is that portion
sizes are not large. Had an Italian version of lamb chops arranged oh so
nicely on a mound (small) of mashed (no lumps) potato.
$ $ $ $
$
Thursday 17th
Shep sent me the following tomorrow. But as I am late writing
this diary I can include it today.
After digging to a depth of 100m last year, Russian scientists found
traces of copper wiring dating back 1000 years, and came to the
conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network one thousand years ago.
So as not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists dug 200m, and headlines in the US newspapers read:
"US scientists have found traces of 2000 year old optical fibres, and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech digital
telephone network 1000 years earlier than the Russians."
One week later, the Irish press reported the following:
'After digging as deep as 500m, Irish scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors were
already using mobile phones."!!!!
Friday 18th
Concern at school over an anonymous email. Who sent it?
School disco. I'm a bouncer.
Saturday 19th
Saw "Along came a spider" at the cinema, Classic
thriller. Well worth a viewing.
Sunday 20th
From Sam
 |
We had a little excitement yesterday. Some of
our (very dubious) neighbours
from the council estate behind and above our house seem to have
taken
delivery of a catapult. A marvellous contraption that allows them to
shoot
pebbles with enough speed to break through carport roofs (our
neighbours)
and smash car heated rear windscreens (ours). And to top it all they
also
have a dog which yaps constantly 24/7 (bless). They also have an
unusually
large amount of visitors. I personally think they must be into S&M
as
there's a sign outside saying "cheap smack". The nice
policeman we called
to report the damage couldn't do anything except recommending we lobby
the
council to get them out and foisted on some other unsuspecting person.
Ok I admit it I'm a snob |
Monday 21st
I have finally decided that my summer holidays jaunt this year
will be to Australia. I spent 3 hours today on the Internet trying to find a
hotel in Melbourne with a view of the Opera house!
Tuesday 22nd
Went to the famous Mr Balbir's Indian Restaurant at last. An
excellent chicken korma and two nans. Good food and good service but
surroundings pretty shabby I thought.
$ $ $
$
$
Wednesday 23rd
I have a CD player which comes on automatically at 6am and
wakes me up. I then stagger up two flights of stairs to the gym as the shower
there is the best in the house. The clock radio is already pumping music into
the bathroom to accompany my shower. The radio station plays slow American
country music at that time in the morning and today I've arrived at school
with the song "Cowboys and daddies hardly ever cry" echoing in my
head.
Thursday 24th
I'm having the second bedroom converted into a honeymoon
suite. Pot and Toy, whose wedding I went to two weeks ago are staying here
next week. In addition, after their wedding on 24th June, Mark Jones and Emma
(Jones) will be coming out to Thailand for their honeymoon.
Must
get the split toilet seat (no jokes about Crippsy and Greeny here) fixed or
I'll have a cracked Pot and Broken Toy!
Friday 25th
I think that Big
Brothers 2 starts today back in the UK. I'd be eternally grateful is some
kind soul would record it for me :-). I'm accepting nominations.
Received the following email today:
S H I P P I N G C O N F I R
M A T I O N
Dear Jack Thomas:
Thank you for your order.
The following items were shipped by Traders' Library:
Martin Pring's Introduction to Candlestick Charting
Qty: 1
Candlestick Charting Basics
Qty: 1
Ship date: 5/24/01
Shipping method: UPS Ground
Tracking number: 1Z21620E0350361285
You can track your order online at
http://www.traderslibrary.com/track/?u=1Z21620E0350361285
Saturday 26th
Amazing Thailand, Land of Smiles, a Tropical Paradise... but
there's the scary side too. I sat down today in my reclining chair to read my
magazine which had been lying on the coffee table, half read, for a couple of
days. I had a CD on (playing music not wearing it) and all was right with the
world ... then suddenly a lizard drops out of the magazine onto my lap...Aaaah
Sunday 27th
Now I know I've left it till the last minute but today I must
get a new toilet seat as Pot and Toy arrive tomorrow. I take the cracked one
off and put it into a bin liner then leave the house with it. I walk up to the
motorcycle taxi guys and pulling the toilet seat from the bag indicating that
I want to be taken to a shop that sells them (I don't know the Thai for toilet
seat). After composing themselves one of the drivers beckons me to hop onto
the back of his bike and he tears off down Soi La Salle with me on the
back, toilet seat cover flapping in the wind. All the shops he took me
to were closed (It was a Sunday) so he dropped me off back at home, mission unaccomplished.
During
the afternoon, I was out on my bicycle when I spotted a plumbers shop,
open. Now the next bit I'll leave to your imagination.. me in the plumbers
shop, an old style, dark, grubby little place. No cracked toilet seat with me
to use as a visual aid so I had to mime a toilet seat (Whose Line Is It Anyway
style). You can imagine ...
Monday 28th
The honeymooners arrive:
Tuesday 29th
Took
Pot and Toy to see "Siegfried and Roy, 3D Magic" at the IMAX theatre
here (biggest screen in the world.. or so it says when you go in). Dinner at
Vientienne Kitchen.
$ $ $
$
$
Wednesday 30th
Jo
has finally managed to find this site and as she's an English teacher (a very
good one I might add) I'd better include some metaphors, dramatic irony or
poetry that doesn't rhyme (that's all the rage these days):
There was a young man from Tralee
Who was stung on the neck by a wasp
When asked it it hurt
He replied "not a bit...
...it can do it again if it likes!"
Pot and Toy spent the day at the Ancient City then cooked
dinner.
Thursday 31st
Sports day at school. Reminds us more academic teachers that
the PE teachers spend every day out in this heat. Luckily it's all over at
11:30am so we can all head back to the air conditioned rooms and offices.
