The Diary: |
Nov 1999 |
Monday 1st November
The hospitals here in Thailand seem so pleasant and efficient. As you arrive there are two men dressed in white coats whose sole purpose is to open the taxi door for you. As you enter the building you are greeted by a number of receptionists, rivaling the top hotels. I was here for a back x-ray as it has been uncomfortable recently... well it's been uncomfortable for a long time but I've only just got round to doing something about it.
I know x-rays give you only a small blast of radiation but how many does it take before it becomes dangerous? They took four of me in various poses then realised that there was something wrong and did the whole thing all over again.
I'm now sitting in the plush waiting room, a very nice young lady has just brought me an iced drink, and I'm using my time typing this on my little calculator (no Country Life magazines to read.)
Tuesday 2nd November
I hadn't realised till recently that a computer screen can act as a camera. Your monitor can discern small electrical impulses and detect bright and dark areas very close to the screen (1-2 feet). This is still a beta site, and the image is blurred, but it works !!! As I was still glowing with radiation from yesterday made quite a bright picture of myself....Try it for yourself:
Wednesday 3rd November
What about this beef thing. I've decided that until the French buy our beef, I'm going to avoid opening my French windows!
NickThursday 4th November
Am I getting older or are the washer uppers at the road side food stalls here getting younger? Click the picture on the right to see the full size view.
Friday 5th November
Got a special preview of the new Sky Train. It doesn't open for another month but they're testing it with real people just to see if it's safe or not! I guess it's fairly safe as I'm typing this up now.
Click on this small picture to see the train spotter as one of the sleek new trains glides into the station along the elevated track.
Saturday 6th November
Day buying things for the house and computer. Bought something very big for my gym (top floor of this house). It arrives on Monday. Watch this space:
Great evening at Saxophone listening to live jazz, blues and reggae
Sunday 7th November
Mainly school work day ...
Monday 8th November
Multigym arrived today. Poor guys who delivered it didn't realise I wanted it on the top floor. Gave them cans of beer in return for their labours.
Tuesday 9th November
Thanks to Shep for: SIGNS THAT YOU'VE HAD TOO MUCH OF THE 90'S:
1. You try to enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played patience with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail your work colleague at the desk next to you to ask "Do you fancy going down the pub?" and they reply "Yeah, give me five minutes".
5. You chat several times a day with a stranger from South America, but? you ? haven't spoken to your next door neighbour yet this year.
6. You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date.
7. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not have e-mail addresses.
8. You consider Royal Mail painfully slow or call it "snail mail".
9. Your idea of being organised is multiple coloured post-it notes.
10. You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead of in person.
11. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone? in a business manner.
12. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally insert a "9"to ? get an outside line.
13. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three? different companies.
14. Your company welcome sign is attached with Velcro.
15. Your CV is on a diskette in your pocket.
16. You really get excited about a 1.7% pay rise.
17. You learn about your redundancy on the 9 o'clock news.
18. Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose all your best jokes.
19. Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job.
20. You read this entire list and kept nodding and smiling.
Wednesday 10th November
Had lunch with Zita in a strange restaurant/cafe that's opened just opposite school where you sit on a raised platform with your feet dangling in mid air while you eat.
Thursday 11th November
First serious bash on the new exercise equipment. aargh I ache all over...
Here's a picture of the maid cleaning it!
Friday 12th November
Saw the film "Fight Club". Didn't enjoy it at the time but now I've started thinking about it...
Saturday 13th November
The following entry appeared in the Sahotas web guest book from a Maharaja (Denmark)
THIS IS TOO INFORM U SAHOTAS GUYZ THAT I BOUGHT A CD FROM UK, and UP TO NOW I HAVE MADE 79! PIRATE COPIES!! hahahahahah ok bye bye then take care....
Sunday 14th November
Another entry in the Sahotas web guest book
Attn:MAHARAJAH, I have traced your e-mail and ip address and have now reported you to the Police , they will pay you a visit and make you pay for your piracy
Monday 15th November
Received by email:
Hi, I'am a french man living in Paris .my wife is Thai.I just read your diary and it was very well written and i like to discover the life of an expat in bangkok.I was impressed with Ad Carabao signing your T-shirt! I met Ad in 1992 in Paris and i have a site http://perso.wanadoo.fr/king-of-sam-cha/ dedicated to carabao.
i really like the song for life style even if i enjoy molarm and other thai styles
congratulations again for your site
happy stay in bangkok
PierreTuesday 16th November
Tom, Toby and Andy arrive from England. They have done A levels and are taking a year off before starting University. This evening was their first of their eight month trek around Asia, Australia and South America. Took them to the local market, shopping centre and then a number of beer bars.
Wednesday 17th November
The trekers left for Chiang Mai leaving me with a bottle of Grant's whisky, Dundee cake and two chip baskets. Good chaps!
Thursday 18th November
Still taking Thai lessons. Getting slightly better at pronouncing the Thai word for snake (ngoo). I'm on page six of my reading book (intended for six yr old Thai Children). The book is about a little girl called Ploy and her friends. Chapter one is titled "An exciting story"? and is about Ploy finding that one of her little podgy friends had eaten some tablets that her uncle had lost along the side of the road. I won't tell you how the story finishes just in case you decide to read the same book one day ... it'll spoil the ending.
Friday 19th November
All day IT conference at the "New International School of Thailand".
Saturday 20th November
While every other Brit in Bangkok is at either the Ploenchit Fayre or the Surin Elephant round up, I'm here at home catching up with things I should have dome millenniums ago.
2pm Changed mind... Went to Pleonchit Fayre and bought tickets for overnight sleeper train to Surin.
More Brits drinking Pimms, champagne and afternoon tea than the population of a very small country.
Sunday 21st November
Now you must promise not to laugh when you read this next bit ... Fell off an elephant today!
Well fell is too milder word ... was violently thrown off the back of an elephant as tall as a very tall elephant. After the "Round up" show in Surin took a ride on an elephant whose driver(?) insisted on taking it over a wall. The elephant slipped sending me flying landing with a dull thud on my right side.
I suppose I am very lucky ... just heavy bruising. It could have been a lot worse. Attracted quite a big crowd though ... plus paramedics and stretchers.
Nevertheless the Show was very good ... though a little lengthy (4 hours). Quite breathtaking to see hundreds of elephants thunder across Surin sports field.
Monday 22nd November
Loy Kratong!
Click here to see the photos taken last year: Loy Kratong
Tuesday 23rd November
Wednesday 24th November
An email from Shep:
I bet you don't put this one on the diary!!!!
Please note that with the arrival of "Drive-thru" cash point machines customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. To enable users to use this new facility the following procedures have been drawn up. Please read the procedure that applies to your own circumstances (i.e. MALE or FEMALE) and remember them for when you use the machine for the first time.
MALE PROCEDURE
1 Drive up to the cash machine.
2 Wind down your car window.
3 Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4 Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5 Retrieve card, cash, and receipt
6 Wind up window
7 Drive off
FEMALE PROCEDURE
1 Drive up to cash machine
2 Reverse back the required amount to align car window to machine
3 Re-start the stalled engine
4 Wind down the window
5 Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
6 Locate make-up bag and check make-up in rear view mirror
7 Attempt to insert card into machine
8 Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive
distance from the car
9 Insert card
10 Insert card the right way up
11 Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page
12 Enter PIN.
13 Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
14 Enter amount of cash required
15 Re-check make up in rear view mirror
16 Retrieve cash and receipt
17 Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside
18 Place receipt in back of cheque book
19 Re-check make-up again
20 Drive forwards 2 metres
21 Reverse back to cash machine
22 Retrieve card
23 Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided
24 Re-check make-up
25 Restart stalled engine and pull off
26 Drive for 3 to 4 miles
27 Release hand brake
Thursday 25th November
Further adventures of Ploy ... (the book I'm reading in my Thai lesson) ... This week she learns the difference between asprin and hard drugs!
Friday 26th November
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets
Saturday 27th November
Sunday 28th November
What on earth will I tell them tomorrow when they ask what I did this weekend. The truth is that I did school work, bought some soil for the back garden and looked around some furniture shops for a new settee! Simon Foley thinks his life is boring (see link above) .... I bet he's never bought soil for his back garden .... and I bet if he did he didn't go to collect it on his bicycle!!! I wonder if there are any allotments around here?
Still next weekend will be very different. I'm off to Ko Pi Pi, the Island used in the filming of The Beach!
Monday 29th November
Email from Nick about the diary entry for 21st Nov (see above)
I've just seen that picture of the elephants. What is Graham Jones doing on the elephant on the right?This is not at all funny unless you know Graham Jones. So to those of you who don't know Graham Jones let me explain. Graham Jones is someone who looks like the guy on the elephant on the right. The guy on the elephant on the right is not, in fact, Graham Jones. Just someone who looks quite like Graham Jones. That's why I found it funny because I know Graham Jones.
If you do an internet search on the name Graham Jones I bet this page appears in the top five!
Tuesday 30th November
I've started to learn a Thai song as part of my Thai lessons. Not that I'll ever sing it in earshot of anyone but it adds variety to the lessons.
You know what it's like when you are singing away and you don't quite know the lyrics to the song. You mumble through the words you don't know, but then to make up for it, you sing the chorus really, really loud.
Ah well another month ends. Get ready for the last month of the millenium.
